The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times

Author & Context

By pema-chodron (2001), an American-born Tibetan Buddhist nun (b. 1936 as Deirdre Blomfield-Brown) ordained in the Kagyu lineage. Chödrön became a Buddhist student of Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche in the 1970s after the unraveling of her second marriage — a biographical fact she returns to repeatedly as the door into her practice. She is the abbot emeritus of Gampo Abbey in Nova Scotia and has been the most widely read Western popularizer of Tibetan Buddhist mind-training (lojong) practice.

The book sits in the Shambhala lineage (Chögyam Trungpa's adaptation of Tibetan Vajrayana for Western practitioners), with particular focus on the lojong slogans of the 11th-century Indian master Atisha — a compressed set of practical instructions for cultivating an open heart in difficult times. The book is Chödrön's exposition of these instructions for the post-9/11 American reader (it was published in early 2001 and acquired particular resonance after September of that year).

Voice: warm, conversational, repeatedly self-deprecating; the marks of someone who has practiced what she teaches over decades rather than systematized it from outside.

Core Argument

The book unfolds across 22 short chapters, organized around an integrated set of Tibetan mind-training methods.

Chapters 1–3 — Foundation. bodhichitta — Chödrön's central concept — is the "awakened heart-mind" already present in every being; it manifests as the "soft spot," the tender vulnerability beneath our defenses. Bodhichitta has two registers: unconditional (the open awareness prior to any particular content) and relative (the practiced capacity to keep heart open to suffering without shutting down). The "three facts of life" — impermanence, egolessness, and dukkha (suffering/dissatisfaction) — are not pessimistic doctrines but observable features of experience that, when acknowledged rather than fought, dissolve much of the suffering we add through resistance.

Chapters 4–5 — Practice basics. "Learning to Stay" — the foundational meditation instruction is not to stop thoughts but to stay with whatever arises. Distinction: ordinary tendency is to escape uncomfortable states through three "lords of materialism" (physical, mental, spiritual). The practice is to remain. Chödrön draws on the lojong slogans throughout — "Drive all blames into one," "Don't expect applause," "Be grateful to everyone."

Chapters 6–11 — Four Limitless Qualities. The Buddhist brahmavihāra: loving-kindness (maitri), compassion, joy, equanimity. Each is treated as both an attitude and a trainable practice. The most distinctive is loving-kindness toward oneself — Chödrön argues this is where most Western practitioners stall, because the assumption that we are fundamentally flawed makes self-directed kindness feel either fraudulent or unearned.

Chapter 9 — Tonglen. The book's pivotal practice. tonglen ("sending-and-taking") is a breath-coordinated visualization in which one breathes in the suffering of others (and oneself) and breathes out relief, peace, and openness. The mechanism is counter-intuitive — we ordinarily try to push away suffering, but doing so amplifies it; the tonglen reversal interrupts the avoidance habit and over time produces a different relationship to suffering altogether. Chödrön: this is "the practice of nonaggression."

Chapters 12–17 — Thinking Bigger, Meeting the Enemy, Fresh Start. Bodhichitta in action — the willingness to extend awareness beyond personal preference, to recognize "enemies" as teachers, and to return to the practice after every fall.

Chapters 18–22 — Groundlessness and Beyond. groundlessness — the felt absence of any solid place to stand — is reframed as not catastrophe but the condition for genuine spiritual maturity. To be okay with not knowing, not having it figured out, not being secure, is the training of a bodhisattva. The book ends in the bardo — the in-between state — as the universal condition: we are always in transition.

Key Concepts (lifted to wiki)

• bodhichitta — the awakened heart-mind; the "soft spot" of broken-open tenderness; available to everyone in any state.
• tonglen — the practice of breathing in suffering and breathing out relief; the reversal of habitual avoidance.
• fearlessness — not the absence of fear but the willingness to remain present with it.
• groundlessness — the felt absence of solid ground; the condition, not a problem.
• maitri — unconditional friendliness toward oneself; the basis from which all other practice can proceed.
• impermanence — the first mark of existence; not pessimism but accurate observation.
• suffering-as-teacher — extends Frankl with a Buddhist mechanism: not meaning added but presence given.

Frameworks / Models

• shambhala-buddhism — Chögyam Trungpa's adaptation of Vajrayana for Western practice; the lineage Chödrön operates within.
• lojong — the 11th-century Tibetan mind-training tradition (slogans of Atisha); the book's structural backbone.

Notable Quotes

"Little girl, don't you go letting life harden your heart." (Chapter 1 — the old woman's instruction Chödrön took as her foundational teaching at age six)

"Go to the places that scare you." (Machik Labdrön, epigraph — the book's title and instruction)

"We don't suffer this kind of pain because of our personal inability to get things right." (Chapter 3)

"Bodhichitta training offers no promise of happy endings. Rather, this 'I' who wants to find security — who wants something to hold on to — can finally learn to grow up." (Chapter 1)

"We are always in transition." (Trungpa Rinpoche, quoted Chapter 3)

"Of the two witnesses, hold the principal one." — lojong slogan, recurrent (we are the principal witness of our own life; the way we relate to our experience matters more than how others see it)

"Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It's a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others." (Chapter 8)

Practical Applications

• Career decisions. Chödrön's groundlessness teaching directly reframes the felt-experience of career transitions. The discomfort of not-knowing is not a problem to be solved by deciding faster; it is the condition within which a real decision can emerge. The practical move: stay with the groundlessness instead of grasping for premature clarity. Distinguish intuition speaking (often quiet, settled, present in the body) from anxiety speaking (often urgent, contracted, future-projecting).

• Identity transitions. Chödrön (and her teacher Trungpa) directly: "we are always in transition." The bardo — the in-between — is not exceptional but constitutive. Practical: stop waiting for the transition to end before living. The transition is the life. The bardo teaching is the Buddhist parallel to Frankl's "every period is asking something of you."

• Relationships. tonglen is the most practical relational instruction. When in conflict, breathe in the difficulty (your partner's pain, your own pain) and breathe out openness. Sounds counter-intuitive; in practice, dramatically dissolves reactivity.

• Daily practice. Three core practices Chödrön repeats: (1) sitting meditation, learning to stay; (2) tonglen with one's own daily suffering; (3) the lojong slogans as pocket-instructions ("Don't be swayed by external circumstances," "Be grateful to everyone").

How This Book Connects

• Builds on: Atisha (11th-century lojong slogans); Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche (her root teacher); the broader Mahayana and Vajrayana traditions; Suzuki Roshi's Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind. Chödrön's earlier When Things Fall Apart (1997) is the book this one builds on.
• Contradicts / tensions with: Frankl's meaning-discovery framework — for Chödrön, the need for meaning is itself something to be examined; staying with what is, without adding a meaning-frame, is the practice. Productive tension with van der Kolk: severely dysregulated nervous systems may not be able to "stay" yet; somatic regulation as scaffold matters. Tension with achievement-oriented Western culture entirely.
• Extends to: tara-brach's Radical Acceptance; Mark Epstein's psychoanalytically-informed Buddhism; the contemporary trauma-informed mindfulness movement (David Treleaven). Resonates strongly with Brown's vulnerability work — Chödrön's "soft spot" and Brown's "vulnerability" are remarkably parallel.

SWOT for the Author's Worldview

• Strengths. Practical precision — every chapter ends with usable instruction. Authentic voice — Chödrön repeatedly reports her own failures, which gives the teachings credibility. The integration of lojong (an obscure 11th-century tradition) into accessible contemporary language is a major translation achievement. The book is genuinely formed by decades of practice.

• Weaknesses. The Buddhist framework's metaphysical commitments (karma, rebirth, emptiness) are sometimes treated as obvious in ways that may not travel to non-Buddhist readers. The therapeutic vs. spiritual register is sometimes ambiguous — Chödrön's instructions can read as clinical advice when they are designed for a contemplative practice context. Limited engagement with structural sources of suffering (the framework is more interior than political).

• Opportunities. Tonglen and maitri practices have direct applications in trauma recovery, end-of-life work, conflict resolution, and political reconciliation. Chödrön's framework speaks productively to the climate, political, and AI-displacement anxieties of the contemporary moment.

• Threats. The framework can produce a quietism that disengages from political work. "Sit with the discomfort" deployed against legitimate grievance is a form of bypass. Mainstream popularization can strip the teachings from their disciplinary container.

"What Would Chödrön Say About...?"

• Career repurposing: Stay with the groundlessness. Don't grasp for premature clarity. Practice tonglen with the anxiety. The decision that emerges from a settled awareness differs from the one that emerges from urgency.
• Suffering and meaning: Suffering is the first mark of existence; resisting it produces more suffering. Meaning-frames can be sophisticated forms of resistance. The practice is to stay present with what is — and discover that bodhichitta is available in the staying.
• Identity transitions: We are always in transition. The bardo is the home. Stop waiting for it to end.
• Human–AI collaboration: AI is, at one level, just another thing arising. The practice is the same — staying with what is, including with the disorientation AI introduces. The deeper risk: AI as a sophisticated form of escape from groundlessness (constant distraction, constant prediction). The practice is to keep returning.

Open Questions

• How does Chödrön's "stay with discomfort" instruction integrate with trauma-informed practice that recognizes some discomfort is autonomic and cannot be approached without somatic scaffolding?
• Where does the lojong tradition's "drive all blames into one" instruction risk re-victimizing trauma survivors who have been blamed all along? Chödrön addresses this only briefly.
• How do tonglen and maitri practices function for severely traumatized practitioners?

Citation

Chödrön, Pema. The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times. Boston: Shambhala, 2001.